Dark Forest B*tch

At the Intergalactic B*itch Round Table this week, Cabinet Secretary Heather presents her findings of the Humanoids of Earth to Supreme Leader Sonya and they decide if Earth’s Humanoids need to be put into conservation or if the alien folk should try to conquer them. The findings include a sleeping orange man, colour debates, and a European Commission fine. 

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We rely on journalism for our podcast. Please see the original reporting below. 

1. President Trump appeared to sleep during a cabinet meeting (CNN)
2. Sabrina Carpenter slams the White House for using her song for a video depicting an ICE raid (USA Today)
3. The White House is ragebaiting us with Sabrina Carpenter (Teen Vogue)
4. Charlie Kirk tops Wikipedia’s list of most read articles this year (The Guardian)
5. Josh Shapiro blasted Kamala Harris over her comments about him in her book 107 Days (PhillyMag)
6. Racoon goes on drunken rampage in liquor store and passes out on bathroom floor (NYT)
7. Pantone names Cloud Dancer as 2026 Color of the Year (DesignScene.net)
8. Travis Kelce revealed on his podcast that he and Taylor Swift have never argued in their 2.5 year relationship (People Magazine)
9. European Commission hits Elon Musk’s social network X with €120 million fine (Euronews)